It took one very large sleeping pill for me to get to sleep. Without my baby in my arms I felt so empty. So lonely. There was nothing I could do. I asked to be discharged the next morning so I could head up to be with my baby. I did just that. I made arrangements at the David's House so Jeremy and I could have a place to stay. David's house is a house that offers rooms to parents who children are in the hospital's ICU. After I was discharged we quickly ran home to pack our stuff, we were not sure how long we would have to be at the hospital.
It was about an hour and a half long drive to get to the hospital where my son was. It was a long and nervous drive to the hospital and I still wasn't fully recovered from the birth. When we got to our new home we got settled in our room and unpacked our clothes. We were in the bear room and there were stuffed animal bears that decorated our room. Considering what we were going through we had a very nice room that was comfortable and made us feel at home. Then we went to see our baby.
In the first few moments we seen our son he was hooked up to all these wires. We were told we had a very sick son. He had pulmonary hypertension and was not able to breathe on his own and his heart was not working properly. They had to sedate him so he was in a medical coma. Seeing him this sick was the worst thing ever. I was heartbroken. It was then they sat down to explain everything to Jeremy and I but I didn't hear anything. Everything was a blur to me and their voices were all muffled. Through my head ran all the things that I could have done to make a baby so sick. I thought I had done everything right and I tried to have a healthy pregnancy.
During the many doctors explaining to me how sick my child was they informed us that he then needed to be transported to Boston Children's Hospital to receive even better care. We were not even there for 30 minutes and they were already again taking him from us. With all this news I was overwhelmed. I started to drift away and wanted this all to be a dream. During an extreme anxiety attack I fainted. I could not take any more bad news. When the ER doctors came to the NICU to take care of me I declined their care so I could quickly get on my way to Boston. I wanted to be there when my son got there so he would spend as much time with me as he could. We packed up our room and we were on our way.
Boston was bitter sweet. It was nice to be in such a busy city and at the best hospital in the world, but it was awful I had to be there because my son was so sick. The hospital was huge and looked like a very fun place. We checked in and got hospital badges so we could enter certain areas of the hospital. Then we got to see our baby. He was beautiful and his nurse was very nice and comforting. They gave us a room where we could keep our stuff and sleep. I settled in and unpacked my stuff realizing this was now my new home for a while.